Celebrity Shit Storm

Adrian Grenier's Bizzaro Vincent Chase-esque Birthday Brunch

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 12:48:27 -0700

My source, HornyMom77 (she's back, y'all!) got all frisky-feeling when she spotted Adrian Grenier celebrating his birthday brunch not too long ago at Little Dom's in Los Feliz.

According to Mom, Grenier was seated at a table with a wacky entourage that was made up of "three pretty but mostly anorexic ladies (one of whom was clinging to his arm the ENTIRE meal and didn't have a bite to eat), a guy that looked like a roadie (I'm thinking he's a down-and-out brother who still lives in the garage --ala Johnny Drama), and his grandma???"

At the end of the meal, Adrian received a card and they all took a group photo.

Later a chubby guy rolled up in a hot boxed Maybach and off they went to some place that flings original works of art into the air and lets you shoot at them with a paint gun. Or something like that.

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nobody@vox.com(AngieBluEMoOn) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 06:04:42 -0700

MADONNA SE LAMENTA POR MUERTES EN SU GIRA STICKY & SWEET TOUR. (http://ping.fm/xM1lr)

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Liza Minnelli is Alive, Likes Theater

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 12:55:34 -0700

The imbodiment of all that I hate about musical theater

I have a hard time believing that Liza Minelli lives in this world. I picture her residing in some Birdcage type of condo she shares with retired old choreographers who still wear silk scarves wrapped around their necks. Liza, only waking for two and half hours a day, jazz hands firmly gripping a Costco sized bottle of Klonopin, and droning on about Elton John not replacing the toilet paper roll that time he came over in 1973. Even when she was Lucille 2, I still somehow believed she was green-screened in with old footage.

But alas, Liza is of this world. And was recently spotted at a Geffen Theater performance of Louis and Keely - Live at the Sahara. She cackled throughout the show (as one would expect her to do -- see above) and at the end she gave a standing ovation.

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nobody@vox.com(AngieBluEMoOn) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 17:32:28 -0700

EL CREADOR DEL GUANTE Y CALCETINES DE LENTEJUELA DE JACKSON, HABLA P3.
http://ping.fm/WUJ3p

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Zach Galifianakis Smartly Dressed in Venice

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 11:52:03 -0700

One man wolf pack

Furball and crime fighting chipmunk, Zach Galifianakis, was spotted in Venice yesterday afternoon - wearing a motherfucking Hangover t-shirt. Self promotion? Irony? All his other shirts were at the cleaners? Whatever, it's genius.

Galifianakis was seen at the B of A near the bum summit at Pacific across from the scabies infested youth hostel. My source says he was hard to distinguish among the rest of the pee stank riff raffs except that while they were begging for booze and Quiznos leftovers outside the ATM, Galifianakis was probably pulling out hundred dollar bills to build a fort with.

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When Worlds Collide -- Jason Schwartzman and Josh Duhamel at Runyon

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 12:42:56 -0700

Marry me!

My leisurely days spent hiking Runyon Canyon with the likes of other funemployed fools and aspiring actors is slowing down. The sun has set itself about a hundred feet above the hiking trail, and pacing up and down its paths has become unbearable. Which means fewer Snacker sightings. Except for these two. Brace yourselves.

Last Thursday I met a friend for a little sunset hike at Runyon Cyn. Friend arrived looking flushed and smiley and was even panting a bit. I thought for a second she had already gone up the hill and come back down while waiting for me. No instead, she revealed two Snacker sightings, the latter of which literally left her breathless.

First up - on her walk from the car to the hill, my pal spotted Jason Schwartzman. Yes, I'm aware hipsters don't hike. He wasn't. Instead, Schwartzman was exactly where you think you'd spot him - sitting in an old 1970s style limo with a bunch of other ironicly facial haired men. The car drove by with Max Fischer sitting shotgun, looking cooly out the window.

And then within minutes Mr. Fergie, Josh Duhamel, came flying down the hill on a bicycle. Shirtless. This inspired a permagrin on my friend. (I think it's still there 5 days later). I appreciate Duhamel's chiseled good looks, but he suffers from a bit of doucheface -- meaning that when he was in high school he was probably a dick to girls and had to cheat off freshman in his remedial English class. Also a victim of doucheface -- this guy.

Yeah, he foin

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Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne Seek High Brow Action at The Commons

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 10:45:13 -0700

Bruno and Gayby

It's been a while since a Snacker has come in from my mom. She's called to report a few sightings - that she saw so and so at Starbucks chewing gum like a cow only to finish the conversation with, "But I couldn't remember his name. He's, you know, that guy. From the show. With the girl."

Mom however redeemed herself with a spotting of Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne at a Sunday night viewing of Bruno at The Commons. Mom reports that Ozzy sat perched on the edge of his seat, staring intently at the screen while hundreds of dick jokes seemed to fly right over his creaky old head. Sharon, on the other hand, was laughing hysterically and occasionally leaned over to explain to Ozzy what he just missed. True love, y'all.

After the movie ended, the Princess and Prince of Fucking Darkness stumbled out into suburbia where Ozzy quickly replaced his eye glasses with his requisite sunglasses.

Adorbs

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Pete Wentz's True EMOtion is Cheerfulness

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 12:39:04 -0700

Flat iron du jour

I'm not sure what the street cred rating is on Pete Wentz these days. Can you father a child with a pop tart and still be, you know, emo?

Anyhow, I spotted the Godfather of Guyliner while strolling the halls of the E! building yesterday afternoon with my pal, The Answer Bitch. Wentz was with a small entourage of eager publicist types and handlers (see: insecure, bitchy, zaftig girls who just moved out of their state school's sorority house and are trying to make it in the big city - with the help of daddy's credit card). Yes, that's a sweeping (but accurate) generalization.

The little rock star was wearing tight red skinny jeans, a hoodie, and topped it off with the requisite indoor sunglasses. Perhaps he was hiding blurry, puffy eyes from getting all EMOtional at MJ's memorial? Maybe not, as all 5'1 of him seemed to be a genuinely cheerful guy.

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Nick Jonas Goes Awkwardly Unrecognized While Ordering a Chai Latte

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 10:28:50 -0700

Sexy diabetic

There are two types of human beings in the world - the rare breed of those who don't know who the Jonas Brothers are, and those that Disney has tried to trick into thinking they are attractive virginal rock gods. This Snacker is about the former.

Nick Jonas (the young one, the talented one, the Diabetic one) recently got his chai latte on at Aroma in The Valley. According to my source, the cute Diabetic put in his order with the world's most clueless barista. The ordeal went down like this:

JoBro: I'd like a chai latte.

Clueless Counter Girl: Okay, hey I like your vintage shirt. Where did you get it?

JoBro: In Portland.

CCG: (groans) Oh, man. What were you doing in Portland?

JoBro: (getting uncomfortable) I'm in a band.

CCG: Really? That's awesome, good for you! What's your band?

JoBro: (officially uncomfortable and perhaps having low blood sugar) I'm in a band with my brothers.

CCG: (finally realizes who she is waiting on) Oh!!! You guys are really big! You guys are huge with like young girls, right?

Poor Nick. According to my source, "It was like watching a lame car accident in slow motion."

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Rose McGowan is an Adorable One-Armed Eco Warrior (Sort of)

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 12:19:40 -0700

Adorbs

My rough and tumble source, Thuggish Ruggish Bock, was out strolling the mean streets of LA again. This time, Thuggish was getting her Snacker on East Side style.

About a week and a half ago, Thuggish was walking through the 7-11 parking lot at the corner of Vermont and Hillhurst when she eyed a tricked out, black on black Range Rover, with huge shiny rims. Like a moth to a flame, my girl Thuggish notices things like that.

"I look ahead to see a girl in a cute red and black striped dress walking toward me. I notice how cute the dress is then think "Wanna bet this girl in the adorable dress I need also owns the Range Rover I deserve." As she gets closer, I notice this very pretty chick's got her hands full, and is struggling a little bit with her stuff because she's got a giant arm brace on."

"I have an,"I know this girl" moment and then realize it's Rose McGowan. At this point, she and I are only a few feet away from each other, and she's right in front of the Rover. She's doing the classic "I just ran into a convenience store and did the eco friendly thing by not getting a bag, and FUCK ALL! Now I wish I'd gotten the bag" dance, shuffling a Coke Zero, her keys, and some chips from hand to hand." (ed. note - maybe she didn't get a bag because she feels guilty about driving around a giant gas guzzling SUV?)

At this point, Thuggish debated lending a hand to the one armed actor, but chose to laugh at her instead.

"She looked right at me and shot me a knowing glance that said "Oh my GOD, I'm having issues right now." I smiled and gave her the "I KNOW!" look, and then we both broke into a serious giggle. She was adorable! Damn. Should have asked her if she wanted help. Then maybe I would have found out what the arm brace was for."

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